My Journey to Becoming a Softer Horsewoman

I’ve always been a sensitive human, soft to the core, and it’s made my life quite challenging, particularly in the horse world.

As I grew up riding, I was always told not to be so nice to my horses, that horses were “taking the piss out of me” or they were “winning”. All the common phrases we still hear today.

I internalised it all and became more and more hardened, saw the “naughty horses” as a challenge, forced them to submit, and fought constant battles in the saddle. But deep down, something felt wrong, I felt disconnect with myself, there was a discomfort buried inside of me, but I didn’t know any better.

Eventually, a friend introduced me to Sylvia Loch and her classical dressage techniques, I think that was the beginning of the unravelling.

I learnt that force wasn’t the only way, became engrossed in biomechanics, and began to see the damage in the horse world.

I think the next big shift was when my gelding, Bull, was off work with a swelling in his leg and I still wanted to do things with him on the ground, I started with the early steps of Spanish walk but then posted on a Facebook group asking for resources for groundwork and trick training.

Going out for walks with my boy became a regular occurrence, I just enjoyed spending time with him with no agenda

With everything I’d learnt, I was able to realise the dream of riding bridless, we rode up a mountain with just a neck rope!

Learning that getting off wasn’t letting my horse win, it was a way of helping them understand what I was asking

Before long, I was down a rabbit hole, learning about positive reinforcement training (A.K.A +R). I read Dr. Janet L Jones’ “Horse Brain Human Brain” and my mind was opened to how differently horses experience the world.
I began to learn about much more subtle equine facial expressions which I’d never even heard mentioned before in the mainstream equine industry and suddenly started to realise how much my horse was feeling without me even noticing it - knowing these expressions have now become essential when photographing horses too.

I learnt how to use treats in training without teaching my horse to become pushy, found ways to create the connection I’d always dreamed of having, with a horse that truly wanted to do what we were doing without me feeling the need to fight them.

I learnt about the power of asking my horse for consent before we did anything, even down to letting him refuse to be caught if he didn’t want to work that day.

It went against everything I’d ever been taught, and some days, it made me feel like I was crazy, because the rest of the horse world wasn’t paying attention to all this new scientific evidence which supported everything I was learning.

With each new thing I have learnt, I have reclaimed my sensitivity instead of numbing it, and it has become a superpower. It allows me to tune right into a horse, to listen to them and honour their responses and requests.

It has made me a much better horsewoman, and I’m so grateful to that.

You don’t have to be hardened to work with horses, there is a gentler path with so much more waiting on it.